Have you ever heard the term Victim and literally cringed? Especially if someone is using it to describe you or your mindset?
Even if their Intent is right and they are doing it to help you understand the process better, to help you grow and free yourself to claim your greatness beyond the mindset of victimising yourself.
But it still as a word that hits hard mostly when you truly feel I have been trying and doing so much work on myself, then How could I still be acting like a Victim.
When you are a person who is self driven and believes in self growth and chooses to continue to work towards it , it's not a word that makes sense when someone still throws on you.
For those who are committed and have chosen to take accountability to rise up and take reins of their own Life, the word loses its relevance and impact, making them believe it’s not for them.
Perhaps it's the word Victim that applies here, coz Victim mindset moves in phases. It’s not a linear process. It begins and ends almost like dealing with certain situations or projects in Hand. To give an example lets say, you dealt with your childhood trauma and healed yourself, you are at accepted all you need to and are at peace with yourself, yet you continue to come across similar situations in other relationships, and instead of looking at where its being driven by your subconscious you choose to blame the friends, world or your external circumstances and life.
Just like healing is not linear, any deep set belief and getting past it is also a process that continues in our lives in presenting and resolving itself through different experiences.
So then the question is what would be a more relevant and impactful word for those who are committed to seek their own truth, through their consistent process and self-mastery goals.
A thought that’s not based on hitting you with the shame and Guilt that’s associated with the word Victim when used upon you.
A word that feels more relevant and keeps you encouraged to continue the journey to your growth without making falling into the ego trap of knowing it all.
In my personal experience of 20 years on this Journey I would say that word is unaware. It’s that simple .
If you are someone, who doesn't believe in the victim mindset.
If you are driven to keep learning and growing, yet find yourself stuck in certain situations, blocked or stagnated from time to time in Life.
Then let me congratulate you, you have gone past the Victim mindset and uncovered your own realities of the Patterns that you are unaware of , you are already on the road to take a higher leap into your own greatness.
Because there isn’t a better way of becoming Aware then coming to a place of being stuck or becoming still, because that is when you observe deeply.
The moment you choose to open yourself up to listen, question and observe, Patterns would unfold themselves right in front of your eyes.
With that awareness, you are ready to start...
The words that haunted me for most of life;
Let me begin first by giving a brief break down on why should we even consider changing the Words and their meaning in our head.
I’m explained it as much as I can especially for my logic driven curious minds out there.
As Humans we are drive by two parts of our Mind
Subconscious Mind and Conscious Mind
Now unfortunately over a period of centuries we have become conditioned through experiences and ancestral passed over genetics, which carries over its impact through our DNA whether we want it or not. It's a proven study by research now that all our fears and beliefs are not only truly ours they are also a cumulative effect of Primal instincts and experiences that existed centuries ago.
Even though the same ways of living or surviving don't hold relevance today, But stored in our Subconscious mind it still pops its heads up every time we give it a small hint of the similar trigger through emotion.
As per the research and studies 95-99% of our behaviours and actions comes through our subconscious mind and beliefs, that have been layered over with the programming and conditionings of thousands of years, only adding on further making it even harder to look and get a glimpse of your Golden Buddha within.
Now the areas Subconscious Mind rules and is in effect are:
Now you can clearly see why Subconscious has such a powerful impact on us, Everything that makes us feel Human is ruled by the Subconscious Mind, so changing the patterns to change the mother board of Subconscious mind is not our option , its our necessity, if we want to live a life fearless, empowered and fulfilling in every aspect of our lives.
Instead of treating it like some kind of enemy we can befriend it and change the Story it has been fed, it will play back what we offer. That's the good news of it all, It can be rewired, it's not something cast in stone, it's completely in our hands to change the structure of it , if we commit to our own Growth and greatness.
Coz isn’t that what we all want, to fulfil our dreams, desires, goals and have an impact on other lives in our way. But why aren’t we able to do it no matter how much we try, well We can do it, just by choosing to break the patterns and rewire our Brains.
And to me it felt let's start with the most powerful emotion inducing elements of our Lives, WORDS.
Those great writers, poets and Geniuses gave us so many hints in their writings
Words are more powerful then a sword
Words can scar us for life times.
Let's begin from my childhood, the word which cast a shadow on my judging my own shyness and quietness.
Where I learnt if you are silent, you are presumed to be scheming or conniving.
Different words, used in different languages, but insinuating the same concept. You are not forthcoming and honest if you don't...
Let me begin by saying you can’t be selfless without being selfish. Be Kind me first.
These are the words of my Master when I heard for the first time, it left me confused but at the same time, for some reason for the first time something felt real to me about being Selfish.
If this is a word that troubles you or has been thrown around on you especially during your childhood or foundational years, just know that it has done a number on your Subconscious beyond your own realisation and understanding.
I remember hearing this word thrown on me to many times since childhood, up until my youth, that every time it came towards me, I felt so small and worthless in me. Mostly because to me it meant that being Selfish meant thinking of yourself, without caring about others.
Now this is the most tricky part of this emotion, when we say I act without thinking of others, what does it truly mean?
First question I ask myself, whatever I’m about to do is it physically going to harm someone or impact their life in a negative way ?
If the answer is No, then to me its clear its not selfish, it's just a choice I’m making that right now feels like I want to make. I might not be thinking the choice through and weighing its pro’s and cons for myself, but I’m sure of the fact that whatever comes through it, I’m willing to deal with it. Failure, Pain , sense of disappointment with myself, OR simple plain stupid. I’m ok being all of that coz I have it within me to deal with it. As long as no one else to bear the consequences of actions, I’m good with it.
But the Word Selfish has been used and abused so much in our society to misinterpret, to manipulate especially in relationships, to control others behaviours and actions and so on.
In the Primal times, we seem to have forgotten that we were cave men, we were built to survive alone before the mankind on the name of civilisation divided us into so many labels and tags. Some served us for survival but some took us even further away from our true self and imprisoned us further into our own subconscious Programming we picked on during the transitions and the horrors it brought along, like any change in the beginning does.
We became tribes, communities and what all we felt at that time was needed to survive. As a tribe as we survived it was easy to exist as being the same as each other, when different came along generally it was an external threat or like a threat, so the defence mechanisms came up. Living and surviving in that attempt we created a subconscious belief of having the need to be like others, the need to fit in, coz the subconscious programming runs on an auto pilot, gives you instant reactions on riggers even if you don't know them, but you have phobias and fears which at times you can’t understand or make sense of. Even if you feel I’m brave and courageous.
I have the belief in me, self esteem, conviction and understanding of it all. Yet...
Why do I feel stupid trying to apply techniques given by my coaches.
I feel like I am betraying the Law of universe that says, Just be
Am I trying too Hard?
If there is a technique to solve all the mysteries of the world then why are we taught to be present and find our Peace within?
If answers lie outside the being, then why all the teachings of finding your centre within?
Why do I feel like did I get sucked into a marketing scam or gimmick, coz my belief in the process is shaken
What is trusting the process if so much external work is needed to make ourselves feel different and good
Are my blocks really blocks or are they just another way of mind creating its traps to make me I am not good enough and in result I give in and do things I have never done or believed in.
This question itself is a contradiction right here.
Is it really being outside my comfort zone or is it feeding into exactly the mind’s trap that tells me I am not doing enough or a sense of lack in myself somewhere.
Even if I am a person who truly believes nothing we do or learn is ever a waste of time, but still I cant help and feel all these doubts from time to time.
I also realise this could be from the place that's expecting an external result through this practice, but I don't seem to be going anywhere near it.
Nothing I wanted or expected seems to be happening.
Even if I understand the process of detaching from the result and performance , I still cant shake the doubts that arise from it all.
What do I do when these things keep coming up?
I simply go back to basics and analyse when these sneaky guys walk in, get to the core of it, self-questioning and self analysis.
I accept and embrace what I am feeling whole heartedly without feeling the need to judge my feeling it all.
Once I understand the bottom of this mountain built out of a molehill. I sit right on top of it and own it.
So this is what it is right now, let's accept it, since I know why it s and Watch it do its work while I continue to love on with my work and commitments to myself. To grow and to learn new ways of doing things.
Let's look at it as an observer and see it with an awe of the beauty that lies within it all.
So much going on within and, outside, with just one trigger in mind?
What an amazing potential does our Human mind has, it truly can do magical things when driven in a focused direction, it's similar to the feeling of faith can move mountains.
Wouldn’t that mean that every act performed with the same unshakeable faith and belief would have the power of harnessing it and making it come alive.
Is this what they call manifesting, sure sounds like it.
Let me become the observer and doer in this journey and let's start constantly come back to the basics.
Doing every act and embracing the learning through experience, we choose to take on in the process, with Faith and Trust.
After all no one ever defined what the process truly means.
Who is to say that every act that we in pursuing...
Jan’2021 began in a chaotic energy space, as I read so many predictions, positive, uplifting and warning words used by healers, guides, mentors, something inside me felt so exhausted, as if saying oh my god, how much more of this rollercoaster?
Is it ever going to get better?
What about all the work I have done and when do I truly know it works, how do I know if I did it right, if it doesn't work?
Is there a right way or wrong way of doing it?
Do I even know what am I doing it for?
Do I remember why I started this journey at all in the first place?
Did I end up becoming a sucker to my own mind’s tricks?
Did I even learn anything at all in this process? If yes then What is it truly?
Or Is it yet unfolding?
Who was asking these questions, was it me or was it the exhausted physical and mental body, that felt drained and consumed with so many overwhelmed emotions. Could it be, just the mental chatter or thoughts, that mind kept churning out of its auto pilot factory, without giving a damn, if there was any demand or need at all ?
When you become aware of the auto cycle knowing it isn’t you, it's the programming of the subconscious mind talking, at least one thing you are glad about is , that it no longer bothers you, coz you are aware its not you.
So then whatever churns or runs is just like a broken record you are no more associated with or annoyed with either. It has more of a comedy effect on you.
The moment the familiar sound whispers, that is so out of tune from your truth, you catch it and you laugh, damn it, here you are , I see you , I just don't believe you. Try something else the next time, coz this ain’t working anymore on me.
It’s like you literally gave a new chore to the mind to change its moves. Now the Queen in Queen’s Gambit is rethinking its game. Now the opponent has learnt and mastered the known moves, so what can you shake up to catch it unaware?
And ego mind loves a challenge, its tricky, sneaky and as organised as Mafia, at least I see it like that. It has its branches spread out like compartments in our subconscious mind, holding on and controlling our so many narratives from experiences and old patterns/beliefs.
Ahhh there it is, now its back as a sympathiser, telling you , you have done it all, you are so good, so well on track, what more could you do? I think you are enough, so better stay on track and keep feeling the feelings, but they are not real? Are they really not? I wonder.
One of the most sneaky trick or subtle Victim mindset, that makes you believe that you are a victim of your mind as well. And this trick never fails. No matter How aware we are and how much knowledge we garner to get ourselves out of it, the Mind always has a trick up its sleeve to beat us at our own game. And one of the best ways to win at it is, Just stop playing , its as simple and as complex in its entirety.
Once someone told me, dreams are our doorway to eternity, pay attention to them, and so I did.
Some of us, who haven’t noticed earlier the power and importance of our dreams, can begin to do it..Now, because Why Not?
As far long as I Can remember, I have been dreaming intensely and almost every night, to the point that I started feeling, I am living lives, in parallel universes, one during the day when my eyes are open and one during the night when my eyes are shut.
After reaching a point where I started observing, the difference of feelings those dreams create in me, because certain dreams, would make me feel refreshed and energised the next day, but certain would leave me exhausted, as if I had fought a war and got back.
But if there was one thing that was very clear to me, was that I couldn't ignore it anymore.
Even if my Mind chose familiar and kept me busy, as I told myself I can’t remember my dreams, but yet during the day something or the other would run like a flash in my head reminding me I dreamt of this.
So could it be that, in a way I do remember my dreams, but I choose to not look into them, because it felt like work and I didn't have the idea of how important this work truly was.
The answers I was seeking outside, were already being delivered to me, but I refused to decode them. You may ask Why? May be because I was afraid of facing what they were revealing to me? or Could it be that I knew what they were asking me to do, but my conditioned programmed, comfortable in its ignorant bliss, Mind, was resisting to accept them. It could be either way..isn’t it?
I told myself either I could try to resist gaining the insight into my subconscious and accept, what I’m truly resisting is myself, Or, I Could embrace the possibility knowing, if so many wise people are doing it and experience transformative breakthroughs in Life, then I can try it too.
Sooner or later I’ll resolve this, only if I set intent to understand and know my dreams better.
Eventually after all the to and fro and forever procrastinating, I decided to begin with learning further about it. And Mannn..did I learn?
Once I began, during the courses I took and the knowledge I gathered from some of the most sought after Coaches in the Industry, I was blown over by the beauty of the process.
Hard at first but with practice, rewards far overweighed the resistance battles of the mind, to the point where Mind simply had to give in to my commands.
Now How cool is that? Who wouldn't want to be in a place like that? Would you agree?
Can you imagine what it would feel like, if anything you seek an answer to, you could simply get it in your dreams. How would it feel to you, if you knew all you need to know to transform yourself and become everything you wanted, can be yours? How would it feel not to be Lost or feel powerless?
And Now Can you imagine, how would it feel to know how easy it is to discover something special inside of...
It took me a while to decide on how to share this part of journey with you all. Not because I feel it’s difficult for me to share, but because the two people who did this journey aren’t in the same equation anymore. My ex passed away in a sudden unfortunate incident in 2014. And for me to write about my life when he was a part of it, felt a bit challenging.
It’s strange how easy it is to write about a failed relationship when both the parties are around, even if you are writing bitter and ugly stuff about each other, you still find it somehow justified to share, as that's what you experienced and felt. But the moment the equation changes, it feels wrong, as if I’m being unfair, if the other party doesn't get to see it or know it.
I’m not sure if I am right or wrong but I choose to maintain the dignity of the one who has passed over and will restrict this share to, what as a woman I felt and realized about Marriage and myself, instead of talking about the challenges with my ex, or the things that I feel he failed me in, over and over again, to reach a point of no return or rebellion for me.
To begin with and if I am being fair, my decision of marriage was perhaps never based on a sense of Love or companionship I desired and craved for as a girl, who was 24 years old.
In our culture and as per traditional norms, I was considered really late for my age to get married. While most of my girl friends and my sister, all got married much early as by the age of 20/21, I was really behind and assumed or the given reason was, that I lacked the ideal looks and character for the girls in our family traditional standards, for a guy to be wanting me as a wife.
Being brought up with the constant reminder of how ugly and different I was, than what was expected from a traditional Punjabi (a community of North India hailing from Punjab as a State) girl, I didn't even realize when the belief had got so deeply set in me, that I don't deserve to be Loved, because I didn't have the looks that made me worthy of it.
Its not that I believed that truly, but in my subconscious mind it had taken roots beyond my own realization and understanding at that point.
Even after being a popular girl through my High school and college days, no short of attention, I still felt ugly and not good enough. I put up a defense mechanism of sarcasm and some humor to portray confidence through those years.
That was also the time when I went through my first break up that you must have read in my earlier blogs. Now that experience really didn't add to my inner beliefs. It felt like the whole thing happened because my family was right all along, I didn't deserve to be loved because I lacked what a man looks for, in his woman.
I even thought to the point that had I had it in me, the guy would have fought for me harder. It felt like he gave up on me, because I wasn't worth being fought for.
After all I was always told I wasn't beautiful enough to be someone’s...
If you have read my first blog on beginning to no end of Art of questioning, you are somewhat familiar with my point of life that got me to questioning everything I was taught, told or got tuned to believe about myself.
Having become the perfect product of my conditioning, a constant example of people pleaser (even though I never admitted it those days), adopting a defense mechanism of boldness and sarcasm with a pinch of sense of humor, little did I know I had put a seal on adopting a behavior Pattern, that’s going to lead me, into a deeper ditch of the Lost World (no not the one with Jurassic Park and dinosaurs, even though, I’d any day take them over the humans I was surrounded with, on the name of family and friends)
As I began the journey of getting a job, somewhat a bit on my feet to support myself financially and also be able to help the family in my capacity. I realized even though I was by definition an independent woman, but in reality I was still as controlled and suppressed, through various camouflaged ways of labeling them as Love and Care, by those who I blindly trusted, of course they were called family. Who in their right mind grows up believing family could be your biggest set back. At least not in the culture and beliefs I was brought up in.
Only over a period of time it started feeling so wrong to put up with everything that was thrown on me on the name of Love and care or protection. The problem wasn't that their intent was not what they were saying it was, the problem was that they themselves didn't truly know what exactly they were doing, call it unaware, or not self realized, that they were projecting their own fears, experiences and insecurities on me on the name of protection. Without giving a second thought to the fact that I wasn't them and necessarily wasn't going to have the same experiences as they did.
Every experience that we have is not always somebody else’s fault; the world out there is not some kind of monster ready to eat you alive if you are a young girl.
Your experiences always depend on your choices, and your choices are driven by your needs or your aspirations. Now if your needs and aspirations are aligned with quick fixes, shortcuts to Love, wealth, power or whatever you may wish to have, then what were you expecting? Some kind of magic pill or Genie serving you a perfect Life? No my Love...never works!!
Before you seek what you truly wish to and aspire to achieve and fulfill in your Life, first seek all of that within, so when you get there, it's a complete whole experience to behold and cherish. From there you keep growing into it and above it, coz once you are on the journey to self Love, there is nothing more empowering and fulfilling in life, there is nothing you cant achieve or be. Beyond a point you become the embodiment of divine consciousness that raises your energy to fall in sync with the highest vibrations, making everything you wish, find you.
Remember what you seek, is...
The beginning of a no end quest...here I come!!!
Having grown up in a conservative Indian house hold, that on the outside, looked like any Normal household...but look deeper, and you’ll find it as a completely dysfunctional one. My childhood was shy, quiet and confused, my this personality, that no one understood, but, yet was labeled as dangerous, scheming and conniving. Apparently in our world, if a child was not constantly talking, saying or doing things, that in their dictionary were outstanding, then the child had to be scheming, brewing something really sinister in her head, all the time, that she didn't want to reveal, so she stayed quiet...REALLY??
Anyways lets, move on...being a kid, I remember being so lost in the narratives and rituals or commands we were made to follow, I had no idea why were we suppose to do all that.
While projecting an ideal side of a culture and its beliefs, lurked a deeper layer underneath it, that was beyond my comprehension, especially when I tried to pair them together, so who were we really, this or that??
I never found the courage to openly question it, coz I so desperately seek their Love, their approval and so desperately didn't want to be proven as a scheming, conniving or dangerous girl (well would you blame me?, have you read the meaning of these words in the dictionary?), so I simply shut my mind to any conflicting thoughts, to become the sheep, herd expects you to be.
At that age I didn't know I was doing it, but today having understood, how our behavior gets programmed from that early on an age, even when we are consciously trying to do the right thing, but by denying our inner inherent wisdom any chance to show up, by suppressing it at every step of the way, just to feel like we belong or we fit in, we are truly betraying ourselves.
Our True-self is constantly looking and waiting for us to embrace her, while we were busy pleasing people who no matter what, would never be pleased enough.
We do the same to our inner child, waiting to be heard and loved by us, reestablishing the same pattern of behavior as right and acceptable, that we believe was done to us.
We believe we weren’t loved enough, we weren’t taken care of enough, never heard enough, never given the freedom to be who we are, or whatever you have felt and gone through in life. Well my Love, think again.
Before you ask that question and even lift a pointing finger on someone else or something else, first ask your self, Did you first learn to Love your self enough ? as you are, who you are, the way you are right now in this moment??
As a kid we have to forgive ourselves for not being able to have such education, understanding and clarity that comes through learning and experiences. But as an adult when you have all the choices and options in the world to take the reins of your own life, and yet you choose to hand it over to others, or external circumstances and outcomes, who do you think you would blame then?
Creative Director and Designer of the luxury leather fashion Brand , NATIVE DUBAI @nativedubai.
Founder of the Empowerment Platform, SUCCESS PARADIGM.
Married to the love of my Life, who I stumbled upon, after failing twice, one broken engagement, one failed marriage,a messy Divorce and ugly child custody battles...phewww!! thank god he came along, someone up there kinda got tired of my bickering, so he just put him right into the mix of the Mess above, but he came out shining brighter then ever for me.
Mother to two beautiful kids, my Joy, my Pride. My daughter and my son.
Blessed to be the mother of a child on Autism, my son.
So yeah..I believe, I do have a lot to share and tell..with such an adventurous life..wouldn't you agree ;)?